Beautiful Disaster

At the end of everyday I lay in bed at night and can’t help but think. I think about what’s worrying me, what I’ve got going on tomorrow, what I did and didn’t do today and sometimes I start to think about the emotions and feelings that I’ve been trying to run from all day. You all know what I’m talking about. Sometimes daily distractions can be nice…they keep me focused on other things and don’t allow me to dwell on something that won’t matter a few months from now. The problem is that, although time goes on, and these feelings disappear more each and everyday..I feel them now. And right now it all just feels so real and unnerving. All those feelings go through my mind at night and all the people who make me feel them go through my mind too. Friends and family and even people that I may barely know…when someone makes you feel something new or rare it stays with you. I think that pretty much everyone goes to bed thinking about that one person and as you start to drift off to sleep you wonder if that person is thinking about you too. You wonder how long this feeling will last and when the actions of someone new will replace it. Maybe someday soon my thoughts and memories of you will be replaced by someone new, but for tonight I’ll think about you because it’s all I know how to do.

I’m kind of feeling lost…i’m just not quite sure what to do about somethings and I don’t like that. My mom is driving me crazy. No matter how much I talk to her or see her it’s never enough and she lets me know it. I come home thinking, “hey, maybe now you’ll meet a nice guy.” PSH Yeahhh right. He’s real nice and all but he’s going away….for 3 months. Can’t I catch a break in the crazy world of dating just this once?? I hate that feeling of not knowing what’s going to happen or where something is going. I thought I was done with all of that. 

On a positive note, I absolutely LOVE my new job. It’s just awesome. And everyone who works there is even more awesome. 

A little piece of chocolate with a nice glass of milk before bed makes everything better….especially after a day where your faith in the decency of others is somewhat shaken. Here’s to those of you out there who are real and decent. Cheers.